In about as close as you can get to a must win at this point in the season the Caps came out uninspired and with no energy and got waxed by the Canes in a 5-0 thumping. Terrible game all around for everyone. Read about how the CSN crew did on a night when the hockey team they cover was clearly not interested in playing hockey:
3rd Star (1 pt):
Locker. The third spot tonight goes to Locker by default. That isn’t to say he didn’t do a quality job providing color commentary, he just didn’t have all that much to commentate on. His telestrations were both terrible plays for the Caps and there were no players available for him to interview during the intermissions. There were also zero Caps highlights that he could talk about. Its a little funny that he wanted Mike Green to be the deciding factor in tonights game and Green was on for most of the Cane’s goals. I suppose he DID play a factor in the outcome though. At the end of the game Locker let us know that the players on the bench would be feeling really terrible about tonight and said that everyone just wanted to go home. Yes indeed Locker, yes indeed.
2nd Star (2 pts):
Michael Jenkins. Jenkins got stuck covering both intermissions and postgame tonight. Opened the first intermission showing highlights of the Senators manhandling the Islanders to the tune of 6-0 earlier today, which made us feel slightly better because it could be worse, we could be Islanders fans. Showed Sens/Isles highlights again during the second intermission. Didn’t have the same cathartic effect the second time around, but then, there was no other hockey to talk about today. Made a plea for the Caps to score a bunch in the third as he signed off, which we couldn’t really argue with. When he came on right at the end of the game to set the table for Sportsnight, he didn’t even mention hockey. Normally we’d probably knock him for that, but fuck it, we really didn’t want to be reminded of the Caps tonight. Covered the basic high(or low?) lights and moved on to other topics as quickly as possible, which again was an act of mercy tonight. Course, it wouldn’t have been a Jenkins showing without at least a little creepiness showing through; we’re pretty sure we saw him wink at us as he signed off the second intermission. Still though, Jenkins sounded interested and engaged in all the highlights he covered; props for staying upbeat and not phoning it in like the Caps did during that clusterfuck. That, plus the fact that he didn’t dwell on painful moments during postgame, gets him the second star.
1st Star (3 pts):
Joe B. Tonight was unbearable to watch and Joe B knew it. Most nights when the Caps struggle Joe looks on the bright side of things and tries to keep us upbeat. Well not tonight. His utter disappointment in the team tonight was audible in every call he made. He said it was the worst night of hockey he could remember, and that is saying something in a season that has seen the Caps lay some pretty big eggs. Joe didn’t get any Caps goals to call, he didn’t get any highlights to show us, and he got 2 ½ fights to talk about that weren’t even that great. The team gave him absolutely nothing to work with tonight and despite that he managed to be the most entertaining portion of the broadcast. His constantly taking shots at the team and his self deprecating humor helped me struggle through this game when honestly I just wanted to tune out (maybe catch the Wiz over on CSN+). The only moment tonight that made me smile came courtesy of Joe B when he said, “he’d never waive his no trade clause to leave Locker” during the 2nd intermission. It was nice of him to remind me what a genuine smile felt like. To cap off his performance, Joe B gave the player of the game to Hendy. That’s right, tonight kinda fighting a dude twice and getting an even +/- rating qualified him as the player of the game. Thank you Joe B for your work tonight and I’m so, so sorry you had to suffer through that. (Joe B also let us know that Julie Donaldson and Chick will be at the Laughing Man Tavern this Friday to watch the Caps game! So that’s pretty cool.)
Last Star (-all the points, hopes, and dreams):
Well that's all we have for tonight. It was a brutal game to watch from start to finish and we salute anyone who managed to make it. Thanks for reading and as always feel free to follow me on twitter @dru90, comment below, and vote in our poll.
PS. For those of you who do follow me on twitter you may have seen I teased a new blogging project that'll run during the NHL off season. AOTI will still be posting, but less frequently, and I will be putting stuff up on Fantasy Town, USA as well. It's still in the planning stages but feel free to hop on over there and check it out. -Dru