Friday, January 13, 2012

Caps v. Lightning (Jan 13)

Since our favorite Editor-in-Chief (Dru) is out having a life tonight, you, dear readers, are stuck with my sole analysis tonight. I apologize in advance if tonight's post lacks the standard of scathing and wit you've come to expect from AotI.

Tonight's game was a rather entertaining affair right from the drop of the puck. Two early PPGs by the Caps (one from the Captain and one from Brouwer, the first goal of his first career hat trick) set the tone. It's a shame it was buried on CSN+, with no pregame or postgame show, and no Sportsnet Central intermission reports, which rather limited tonight's cast. On that note, fuck the Wizards. Seriously, how does the team with 1 win in 11 tries, in last place overall in its league, warrant higher billing and more coverage than the Caps, who are at least keeping their head above water? Lame shit man, lame shit. Anyway, to the recap!

Third Star (1 pt):

Smokin’ Al Koken. Koken had a solid if unspectacular night, doing his Bite
of the Night thing and two intermission interviews. Interview subjects were both totally relevant (Wideman and Brouwer) and he asked all the right questions, about tonight’s scoring, and made sure to ask Wideman how it felt to be an All-Star. I did find it rather amusing that at the end of the game, Smokin’ was talking to Joe B and Locker while standing on the Capitals’ bench and the players near him just acted like he wasn’t even there.

Second Star (2 pts):

Joe B. Joe B also had a solid night, though without any real home-runs, which is why he settles into the second star slot behind his partner. Called a good game, participated in the Wideman love-fest, and only mentioned the fact that Mike Green (and Backstrom) was injured one time. Strong performance for Joe.

First Star (3 pts):

Craig Laughlin. As soon as the first period started, Locker scared the crap out of me by mentioning that he Caps had won 5 straight home games against Tampa, and Tampa was on a 5-game road losing streak. Seriously Locker, trying to jinx us in the first minute? But my worries turned out to be for nothing (Tampa’s last-minute flurry nonwithstanding) and the Caps came away with two points, so I can’t fault Locker for that observation. Called out Tampa Bay for their dumb penalties early on, saying that they tend to burn you, and tonight they certainly did, so points for that. Lots of love all around for All-Star Defenseman Dennis Wideman. Locker even gave us a nice telestration in the second intermission and kept the “Hold it here” count down to a nearly-miraculous four. Also during the second intermission, Locker and Joe B talked with Ivan Carter and another guy whose name I missed (sorry) about their new sportstalk show. The segment was entertaining, and I’m at least interested in watching it, so good job there. It culminated with some video clips of Ivan Carter skating with Alan May. Locker pointed out that Alan just beat up on him. That’s because Alan May does whatever the fuck Alan May wants, to whomever he wants, whenever he wants. Locker gets it. To cap off the night, after Tampa scored their first third-period goal and play continued, Locker said he was 100% certain that the puck was in. Upon review, he turned out to be right. He also made sure to call out the All-Star selection committee for snubbing Nicky B. A well-deserved first star goes to Locker on a night on which he was clearly firing on all cylinders.

Last Star (Usually -1, but tonight -0 pts):
Chuck Gormley. Odd as it sounds, I’m actually going to be nice to ol’ Chuck and not deduct a point for his last-place finish tonight. Why? Well, for starters, I missed half his spiel because the delivery guy showed up with my Pork Fried Rice right as he came on, and pork fried rice is fucking delicious. Also, the latter bit of his appearance (which I did catch) seemed improved. He looked at the camera and delivered his message without stuttering or stumbling over his words. The topic, Rene Borque’s trade to the Montreal Canadiens and its impact on their next meeting with the Caps, actually sounded kind of interesting. The only reason I even have him slotted here is because there were only 4 broadcasters tonight, so he gets it by default. Any other night, he probably lands a neutral finish. Also, nice guy that I am, I want to reward his improvement. I still can’t stand the dude’s voice, but at least his delivery is getting better. So there you go Chuck, try to keep up the better work and your freefall through the standings might stop.

So that about wraps it up for tonight. Next game is Sunday at 5pm against Carolina. Hopefully Alan May will be back, because it's been over a week since I've seen him and a week without Alan May is just too long.


  1. Joe B. confirmed Alan May because Koken is working the wizards.

  2. I thought the Al Koken/Wizards conflict had something to do with the AHL All-Star game... Could be wrong though.